Love Dare...

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lovinlikejesus.blogspot.com 

love dare idea

So... probably next week I am planning on starting a new blog that will be going over the love dare but teacher oriented... my original plan was to do it day by day like the book does... but that seems like a lot of work for me and possibly letting down any readers i may have when I miss a day... then I thought every other day could be more feasible, but that still may be a lot? So... I think we have something like 35 (ish) weeks of school left and there are 40 dares... my thought is to do one dare a week...and just a couple weeks with the "simpler" dares double up...
And with a week for a dare it gives more opportunity to practice that dare on more students, right?

I need some thoughts or suggestions pretty please!

"... you are my best friend Tacey..."

My apologies for my leave of absence. This summer has kept me super busy.

I thought I'd write again about kids since I've had quite the opposite experience today than I had prior to my last post. :)

Asa and I came up to KC to spend some time with my family (and his sister) for a bit before the school year goes into full swing. Mom (aka Grangie) has Audri and Stella this weekend so it is a full house with Grangie and Granddad, Audri and Stella, Asa and I, Julie Mark and Kyle, Cindy, and Nin and Pop...

Not so long ago, Audri did not care much for her aunt Stacey... I'm positive every time I was around she was a crankier child. I'm so happy she's come around :)
We started off this morning by reading a couple books together (one of my favorite things to do!)... Then a little bit later Audri and I walked down to the neighborhood pool together and went for a swim-- It was so much fun...and wonderful bonding time (This reminds me of Tish and how she says she "shamelessly tries to get Ansley to love her") When we were walking home from swimming Audri was getting very sleepy and wanted me to carry her home... I hope when I have my own kids I find as much pleasure in that as I did today :)
After her nap, she let me braid her hair... which is another joy for me... I really hope someday when I have a little girl she lets me play with her hair every day... and it is quite possible I would make her let me play with her hair every day... haha...
We got to play more throughout the day and when it was time to go to bed I got to read her a few goodnight stories--wherein my heart melted and I considered asking Asa if we could have one of our own (i quickly reconsidered for the time being haha)
As we were settling in to read the books I asked her if she wanted to sit next to me while I read and she said, "Yes, because you are my best friend Tacey"
Big sigh... swallow kind of hard... blink back a tear...
I realize this may not be a huge deal to most... and I also realize that she'll probably have a new best friend tomorrow... but considering that i only get to see her once every few months and she used to cry every time she saw me... well, lets just say its quite the improvement :)
So we read our books together and she walked me through her routine of going to sleep when she's at Grangie's. The child is spoiled, let me tell you... Not only does she get her ears rubbed (her favorite thing) but she also gets a full body massage... back, legs, arms all the way to her fingertips. And if you are doing it wrong, she will politely correct you until you get it right ("This is how Grangie does it...") Then she told me that it was okay if i left so she could fall asleep... but now she is laying in bed with me because she wanted to snuggle... and well, who could resist that?

So, needless to say, it has been a wonderful day :) i love getting to spend time with the fam and I really love being an aunt (a great substitute for being a mom for a few more years, lol)

I suspect if my sister-in-law reads this she will ask why I don't love Stella.. haha (Obviously, I didn't say much about her!) To which I can only say... Stella only loves Grangie haha and thats probably enough said.

Feeling very blessed right about now.

God and His sense of humor...

Let my just preface all of this by saying that it has been a semi-constant conversation lately about having kids. I wouldn't mind having a kid now and Asa reassures me that my biological time clock will not run out by the time he's out of school.
Also, Asa just finished making me a beautiful set of bookshelves, on which I have displayed one of the first gifts I ever gave him: "Everyone Poops." Why did I give him this book? Because he was convinced--even after growing up with two sisters, that girls don't poop. I wanted to convince him otherwise, so I added a page that says "Boys poop... and girls poop too." He doesn't think its near as funny as I do (or... did?)
Oh, and another thing you should probably know is that I have been slightly over-emotional the past couple days--the only reason I tell you that is so that you understand my reaction and don't think I'm absolutely ridiculous.

Why do I tell you these things? Because I just had the most stressful nursery experience to date (for me at least--I do realize it could get a lot worse).
(Also, I hold none of these things against the children. )

So, I don't typically do the nursery. I love kids--but really I like elementary, middle school aged kids. But the church is short on nursery workers, and I don't mind doing it... it has actually been a little bit of a struggle in my mind to figure out the the line of doing something out of obedience (which is what I feel like i'm doing) and doing something because God has called you to do it (not what I feel like I'm doing)

The morning started out calm... I actually only had one four year old for the first fifteen minutes. Then the rest of the kids started filing in... I think we ended up with eight, and then a few upper elementary/middle school workers. We just let the kids play for a while and they were pretty content. Then one little boy asked to go to the bathroom... we trekked downstairs to the girls bathroom. I helped him sit down and then told him to let me know when he needed me, and shut the stall door. It had been almost a full minute and another nursery worker came in with a child... who went to the bathroom and washed his hands in no time while my child was still in the stall... "Are you alright?" "Uh-huh..." "Can I get you anything?" "Huh-uh"... Okay then... Probably another minute passes and I decide I should probably open the door... He's okay, just chillin there, but he has obviously used the restroom in a big way, and he needs help getting off the seat. (That alone kind of made me shiver.) But before I can help him off the seat, he shows me his underwear (not pull ups, underwear) and apparently we hadn't made it to the bathroom in time... Now I'm really starting to feel sick.... Well, I can't leave him in the bathroom by himself with his pants down and no one else is coming in... soooooooo we have to get him cleaned up a bit and then put the pants right back on... ew, I'm so sorry kid. Apparently we should add a "kids poop" page to the book as a means of birth control.
Anyway...We go to the lady who runs the nursery, who is also fairly new at this-- only been doing it for a few weeks-- and we decide that perhaps we could give him a pull-up to change in to... but who is going to help him? Me I guess. Sigh.
Light bulb flashes on and I decide to take this child--who is actually handling all this very well- no tears at all- into the sanctuary to see if we can find his parents. This could have been a nightmare but, Praise GOD there was a woman there who knew who his parents were and found them right away. Whew. His dad came out, and assured us that this was very uncommon... I did a very poor job of explaining what had happened because I was a little shaken up... and wondering what this poor dad is thinking right now... if he was going to blame me? If it really was my fault? I don't think so... but i don't have kids, I don't know?! haha. But his dad was fine and took care of it and brought the little boy back up to the play room a few minutes later.
By this time all the other little kids are sitting around the table 'listening' to a Bible story told by one of the 5th graders-- Praise God she knew what she was doing-- otherwise we could have had a riot on our hands! So my little buddy went to sit on the bench and color... well, long story short, I looked away for a minute, maybe!, and he had fallen off the bench toward the wall where there is a grate covering a hole. He seemed alright... he didn't start crying and when I asked him if he was okay he shook his head yes... So, I picked him up and put him back on the bench. About a minute later, this little boy is at my side again, blood running down his hand. At this point I'm thinking, seriously kid?!
1. I really don't handle other people's poop or blood very well... and he's shown me both
2. His poor dad is going to think I'm torturing the child... I promise I'm competent!
3. No first aid kit upstairs...
Still no tears at this point... we wash of his hand in the sink and take a look at the damage... that's when the tears started to come... I probably would have cried too.
We trek back downstairs, his dad heard his son crying, met us in the hallway... he seemed very understanding, Praise the Lord! But I felt like the most awful person!! Even though neither incident was my fault and I really couldn't have prevented either, I felt like the whole thing spoke ill of my care-taking abilities.
By the time this was all over, it was time to line the rest of the kids up and take them downstairs to be picked up by their parents.
I think my hands were shaking at this point and I was very near tears and wanting to take a shower.
I do realize that it wasn't completely awful, but the stress was a bit overwhelming...

So, what did I learn from all of this? That sometimes I don't think God's sense of humor is so funny... and I think I'll be okay with out kids for a few more years...

friends

This past weekend I had the great pleasure of going to two weddings of dear friends of mine. Mal married her dream boy on Friday... and it was such a wonderful time to get to catch up with college friends I hadn't talked to in a long while.... and a nice reminder from God of just how good he has been to me! And Saturday Steph married her high school sweetheart, Jon.... and this was a very sweet time of getting to catch up with high school friends that I hardly ever see anymore.
I'm very thankful that God has been so gracious to me through the years... all too often I've struggled with understanding the way God has formed friendships around me...
In my high school days I probably wasn't so deserving of great friends, but not many of us truly are at that point (i'm convinced) but God set in place some really precious friendships that still mean the world to me this day... and I love that we can see each other once a year and not feel like any time has come between us.
And not for my own glory, but God's I hope that they can see the work that God has done in my life and how He has brought me to be who I am today... (even though I still need a lot of work! =D )
And then in college I was always on the skirts of different groups of friends. They were all great people and I had some very close friends in those groups of people... but I always struggled with not feeling like I really fit...
Sometimes God's way of reminding us that HE is our ultimate friend hurts in the process, but the outcome is very sweet.
And still, many of those friends I made in college are very very dear to me. I pray God would continue to bring our lives together and show me what it looks like to be a good friend to them.
And since college, God has blessed me with some truly amazing people. A lot of those friendships are just now beginning to form and I'm so thankful that God has placed such a sweet community of women around me.

This is just very honest and kind of an ugly side of me, but I think where I've always always struggled with friends is that I long to be important... or, not forgotten? Not exactly sure how to put all those feelings into words-- but don't we all in our own little way? And I think where I've missed the mark (like I so often do) is that what I really should be longing for is for the Spirit in me to be important to their Spirit.
I sincerely pray that my Spirit (my Jesus shining in me) would be so contagious that that's what makes me a good friend to the people around me. That its nothing that I do or say that draws people to me... but what the Lord has done in my life and how I let Him live through me...
I know that I don't always do that well.

but to my sweet friends through all these years... I love you dearly. Thank you for your friendship.

not maintaining regrets, but surrendering

I have been searching my life for all of the areas that I don't do well in glorifying God. In my checklist world I also compartmentalize, which isn't how God works. I need to give Him everything not just bits and pieces.

The areas that were prominent and I knew right away that I need to release... anxiety (or worry) and control. The funny thing about those things is I'm fairly convinced they may be two of the hardest things to let go of. (Oh, and with control goes perfectionism... a whole different topic, not for today)

But then there are the other things that Satan tries to twist into "religious lingo" and makes you feel like what your thinking/feeling/doing is okay.
Like guilt.
I feel guilty for ____________ (fill in the blank), but maybe I should feel guilty because maybe I'm not doing this right.
Or, maybe guilt isn't from God. Huh.
So the reality is, I may or may not be doing something exactly how God wants me to, but the guilt part isn't from God. A fine line I'm touching, I realize. God is a God of wrath and your sin is not okay. But, God is a God of love and He forgives you and wants to lead you in the right direction.
God doesn't want you to feel guilty (if you're a Christian) because you've already been proven innocent... you've already been put on trial for those sins... That's why Jesus stands between us and God- reminding Him, "hey, look at me... I already paid for their sin..."
God wants you to change (rather than simply feel guilty).
Or, perhaps the guilt shouldn't be there at all, so God wants you to recognize that the guilt is strictly from Satan, and that Satan just wants you to feel bad for doing something that God would call you to do.

Another thing I've realize in my life is how I rip apart the gift God gave me and pretty much tell Him its not good enough, daily. I complain about not being skinny enough or not liking ________ about myself. People in the past had told me that I needed to stop complaining.... but Asa has put a little more perspective on it for me: He (Asa) thinks I'm beautiful the way I am ... and any time I try to prove him wrong, I'm hurting him because I'm basically telling him I don't believe what he says about me.
If I can hurt my husband in that way... how much worse am I hurting God? I mean, he MADE me.
And when I complain about myself, who else am I making uncomfortable? In pointing out my own flaws, am I assisting someone else in seeing their flaws? I sure hope not, but I'm positive I am. So, please take this as an apology if I've assisted you in such a way. I hope you know that has never been my intention. And, slowly but surely, I am working on it. I'm much more aware now when I am saying something about myself that is offensive to God, and most likely offensive to the people around me.
Does that mean that I should just be okay with myself where I'm at? Partially, but I also need to take care of the temple God has given me... So, if I'm being unhealthy (and therefore I'm reaping the results of an unhealthy life) I need to get myself in line and start taking care of myself-- eating better, working out, etc.

Are these the only parts where I need to work on glorifying God? No... Will I ever get it all right? No... But I can surrender to Him.

"And I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way HE LOVES US."

beautiful closure

Days like today are a good confirmation that God has put me where I am for a reason.
The last day of my second year of teaching. I can't believe it has come so fast! And when I think back to a year ago, I can't believe how much has changed and how much I've grown, not only as a teacher, but as a person.
Last year at about this time I was probably crying to my fiance, blood pressure through the roof, and seriously questioning my "calling." Without going into specifics, let me just say that last year I had an "challenging" group of students and the last day of school sort of, no, really topped the cake. Call it God, or my stubbornness to not be defeated, I decided to come back for another year.
And it proved to be a good year--- sure, it had its ups and downs, but I'm convinced it will always be that way. The students I had gave me the opportunity to actually get to teach, rather than discipline discipline discipline. I found out a lot of what works and a lot of what doesn't, and of course I found that I still have a lot to learn.
Although last year was, well, horrible, I really did develop a few great relationships with a few of my students. A few of those relationships starting more this year, after I wasn't their teacher anymore :) I was really blessed by a couple girls who would stop by my room to chat several times a day, everyday. The sweet girls gave me a beautiful frame this morning with a picture of us-- my last day already starting off better than I could have asked for! I really pray that I can continue to be a mentor to those girls and that God will use me to speak to their hearts.
I was also blessed today to be able to go to the 8th Grade Recognition this year (praise God, because last year was a disaster during that time, to say the least). I got to shake the hand of every 8th grader moving on to high school... A little overwhelming, as I'm not one for change. But i was so grateful to have such a clear closure with them. Ironically, some of the ones I'll miss most of all are the ones I was "getting on to" most of the year last year. Praise God for a graceful heart... that's definitely not my own doing.
I'm excited that I still get another year to be in the midst of my students this year-- not teaching them, but still around. Praying that I can be a good mentor to some of them as well.
And of course, beyond the students, the relationships I've built with my colleagues really can't be matched. God will really have to outdo this in the future to be able to compare with the community He's give me at work. I mean, I work with some of my best friends... who could ask for more?! I'm so thankful for God's provision in that!!
So, despite the"technical difficulties" our school seems to be experiencing (not able to import grades/finish curriculum, get online for any reason, print anything..etc etc) My last day ended exceptionally well. I have a sense of closure rather than the angst I felt last year.
Blessed. I'm just very very blessed.